NASDAQ Announces New Enhanced Fintech Program

Note from the Publisher:  Our crack editorial team is once again at it with this new (wholly fictional) story about an upgrade to Nasdaq’s NASDOZE program, with the launch of its new NASKNOWS program.  Read it and be amazed……and amused!

NASDAQ today announced a greatly enhanced version of its innovative artificial intelligence trade application, “NODOZE”.

FintekNews broke the initial story of NASDAQ’s “NASDOZE” robo trading application several weeks ago.  NASDAQ, being one of the most technology savvy companies in the world, has taken this artificial intelligence app to new levels.  The new app dubbed “NASKNOWS” combines human thoughts and artificial intelligence.

As a trading tool, it is AWESOME. The user/trader places ear buds in their ears (duh) and by just thinking of winning trades, “NASKNOWS” executes the most probable successful trade regardless of asset class or market.

This technological breakthrough was made possible by NASDAQ’s ability to hire a recently available engineer.  That employee just left Tesla after working on the self driving technology that is currently being tested (spoiler alert: they have had a recent “problem” with the system).  NASDAQ has the utmost confidence in the new technology and believes “NASKNOWS” will revolutionize thought trading.

(Note-be careful! When the ear buds are in place, do NOT think about the hot girl/guy you saw at the club working out.  We can’t even go there.)