Trump Dakota Rumors True

Note from the Publisher:  Our crack editorial team is once again at it with another (wholly fictional) tale of Donald Trump’s aspirations for the Dakotas.  Truly a “remarkable” read!

Donald Trump, the presumptive (or by now the actual) Republican nominee for President, is hedging his bets by getting deeply involved in Dakota business ventures.  Just in case he loses, which we know he won’t, but just might.  Readers of FintekNews are well informed that North Dakota is considering seceding from the U.S. and joining the EU and South Dakota seceding and joining the UK. Should that be the case, The Donald is planning to take full advantage.

The FintekNews reporting team has learned that the Trump organization has been buying land in Mitchell, SD around the famous Corn Palace (Buckingham Palace—West) and nearby around the badlands (awesome place for a golf course with all those sand traps).  We hear that there is a “fabulous, great, nothing like it anywhere!” 78-story luxury condo building planned for downtown Mitchell as well.

Meanwhile up in ND, we have learned that Donald has acquired the city of Grand Forks and will rename it Grand Trump.  If Mr. Trump is not elected President then he is well positioned to cash in on the exciting Dakota opportunities.  If he IS elected he will most certainly be in a position to hasten the two states seceding.  Win-Win.

Melania has been seen shopping in both Mitchell, SD and Fargo, ND. (Hmmmmm, what’s up in Fargo?) Melania told a sales clerk she was very excited at the prospect of living in Mitchell.